Thoughts during a rain... what I would do differently.

Last night I was sitting at a table at Starbucks, sipping a hot cup of coffee, watching the rain and listening to my wife and two of our friends reflect back on their years in high school. In this motley crew, I am the "senior citizen" being a decrepit 29 years old, but let's face it, I'm not 100. They were talking about who was having kids, who had already had them, who had gotten married, all the usual stuff. Of course the subject turned inward too (as to when WE were having kids) and I always step back on that one. Evelyn always handles it well, saying "when it happens, it happens."

I then started thinking back to my high school years. I was a student at Woodmont High in Piedmont. However, I wasn't really the best person I could have been. That was a point in my life where I was impressionable and made a fool of myself more often than I should have. I used snobbery to defend against peer pressure and made myself the butt of too many jokes to try to save face. Even upon an occasion or two, I let other people influence me into doing things or saying things that I shouldn't have.

Then I remembered after graduation, when we opened the restaurant in Summer '97 and all the perils and pitfalls that came and went over those next few years. Suddenly in this situation is where I began to see that life is more than a petty existence and that there was more to me than the sum of my parts. I began to stand and grew a backbone. I forged true friendships and quit thinking so much about what someone thought about me. However, my revelation came too late. I was past those years and would never have them again. I didn't have the network of longtime close friends that most people graduate with.

Then like a clap of thunder I was back in the conversation in front of me. The story had changed to tales of teachers and scandals, but I was still caught in the first part. I guess I will always wish I had done things differently in my teens. I didn't have to act stupid, dress funny, and do insane things to get people to like me or to prevent me from being hurt if they didn't. I realize that the things more important were the things that were me and would have brought me closer to others rather than pushing me away. My wife and my friends have these memories and these relationships, and though I have gained many friends in the days after Woodmont, I feel an emptiness because I didn't take advantage of the gift God put there for me.